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Another White House Conversation-Middle East and Weiners

Scene- Dinner in the Living Quarters Dining Room at the White House

Players- Mr. Perspicacious, the First Lady

First Lady- “Barry, what’s going on in Libya?”

Mr. Perspicacious- “NATO is making great progress against a real tyrant, dear.”

First Lady- “Ta be honest, I’m a little confused. Let me see if I can use my Princeton degree to help me frame this question. Gaddafi is really bad so we are going after him. Assad in Syria, however, is even worse, but we are ignoring the fact that he is killing thousands of his own people, and we’re not going after him. Yemen is disintegrating, and we do not give that the time of day. Even though we were allies, we threw Mubarak under the bus in Egypt, thus opening the door for the Muslim Brotherhood. And we’ve told Israel they need to give up land won with their blood when THEY were attacked back in the sixties. We turned the other cheek when Bahrain’s Sunnis went after their Shias. But then again we have a naval base there, and we had already ticked off the Saudis with the way we treated Mubarak. And what about Tunisia? Isn’t that where this whole Springtime in Arabia nonsense started? Did I miss anything?”

Mr. Perspicacious- “It’s complicated, honey.”

First Lady- “Don’t give me your sanctimonious ‘It’s complicated honey” BS. Now you just tell me ‘xactly what sense anything you are doing in the Middle East makes to anyone trying to make sense of ‘xactly what you’re doin?

Oh yea, I forgot to mention Iran. How’s that “we can work with Ahmadinejad” thing going? Have you and your cluster of Ivy League brainiacs figured out that he must get a big kick out of you? He’s laughing all the way to his bank of nuclear reactors.”

Mr. Perspicacious- “Are these rhetorical questions?”

First Lady- “Barry, are you lisnin’ to me? I want to know what on earth you and your people think they are doing in the Middle East. And what about Guantanamo? Is it open or closed? Are we using enhanced interrogation or not? Do we acknowledge the fact that we got Osama because of interrogation techniques you have publicly decried?”

Mr. Perspicacious- “Look, precious, we are giving the people a sense of what we mean by Hope and Change.”

First Lady- “With unemployment back here in the U.S. over 9%, I got a pretty good feeling most voters are going to tell you to put your Hope and Change someplace where the sun doesn’t shine.”

Mr. Perspicacious- “Honey, I appreciate your concern. But if I’ve learned anything coming up in an America that gave me a great education, and a community organizing job, and ultimately an address at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I know that PT Barnum had it figured right; there is a sucker born every minute.

I have no doubt we will be able to convince enough voters of the insidious evil that is the Republican Party. We’ll be reelected. It’s that simple. And this Middle East thing will sort itself out. So what if it’s messy? Change is messy. Just look at my health care bill.”

First Lady- “Barry, I think you may be in over your head. It sure was easier when we could just go listen to Reverend Wright spew vitriol over everything wrong in this country.”

Mr. Perspicacious- “Heh, what do you think about my appointing Anthony Weiner as my new Secretary of Health and Human Services?”

First Lady- “Well, people will certainly stand up in attention to that choice, dear.”

Mr. Perspicacious- “I think he could point things in the right direction. We need firm leadership in HHS.”

First Lady- “Well, I hope Congress doesn’t give him the short end of the stick in his approval hearings.”

Mr. Perspicacious- “No, he’ll stand tall, at least in his working briefs.”

Lights fade…all is well in the White House