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The Oval Office–Act II

The Players-

Scene-The Oval Office, November 4, 2010

President Obama–sitting at the Resolute Desk, smoking a cigarette

Harry Reid–Senate Majority Leader—in chair to the President’s left

Joe Biden–Vice President—middle chair

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi–candidate for House Minority Leader—in chair to the right


The President–“Thanks for coming in.”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi—with an apparent (albeit crooked) smile–“Mr. President, do you mind if I sit next to you?”

The President–“Umm, no..I guess not…may I ask why?”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi–“The script above says I’m in the chair on the right, and that makes me uncomfortable.”

The President–“Madam ex-speaker, that’s just a scene description. It is not a political statement.”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi—still seemingly smiling—“Oh, ok…well, I guess I’m fine where I am then.”

Joe Biden coughs and clears throat—“Well, I think we certainly proved our point last Tuesday.”

Senator Reid—“Absolutely!”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi—“Wait a minute, I lost my leadership position!”

The President—“I think what we are all trying to say is that the election was a clear validation of our contention that the American people are way too stupid to be entrusted with a vote.”

Senator Reid—“Absolutely!”

The President—“We cannot allow the discussion in the media to turn the election into a repudiation of all we have done to change America. I promised hope and change, and we’re giving it to ‘em. Now, Madam ex-speaker, I know losing your pulpit is tough. But I got your back, and…..”

The President stops talking and looks at the Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi whose smile appears to have remained stuck to her earlobe.

The President—“Is everything OK? Is that a smile or are you having a stroke?”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi—“ Sorry, sometimes it just gets stuck. No, I am not happy. You still have your plane. I lost mine. Do you actually expect me to fly back and forth to San Francisco with the same hoi polloi that voted for Rand Paul?”

Joe Biden—“Listen, we gotta focus on the next two years. The 2012 campaign starts now. America is comprised to two kinds a’ people; the democrats, and the rest of the people who are too dumb to be democrats. We need the media see us tackling the number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: JOBS.”

Senator Reid—“Absolutely!”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi—“Joe, “JOBS” is a four letter word.”

The President-“The stimulus is working. Unemployment is just under 10% and holding. We need some more stimulus money. Look, we can make this work. The unions need more money. The unemployed need more money. We can take it from the people who earn money. This works. Read Marx. It’s time tested.”

Joe Biden—“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

The President—“Ummmm, Joe, that was actually something you said during the campaign.”

Joe Biden—“I know but everyone gave me a hard time, and I’ve always wanted to say it again in front of you to see if you are ok with it.”

The President—“I’m good with it Joe. So let’s focus again on the idiots in this country.”

Senator Reid—“Absolutely!”

Joe Biden—“When Clinton got spanked in ’94, he moved to the middle.”

The President—“let’s be very clear about this. I am not moving anywhere. I was elected to change America. And I cannot do that from the middle. We will continue the revolution.”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi—“Joe, we got ‘shellacked’, not spanked.”

The President—“We must continue to slam big business. Those who are successful must pay. It is clear that their gains are ill-gotten, and have come at the expense of the downtrodden. We need to concoct more issues to take the peoples’ minds off reality.”

Joe Biden—“How about I just do a press conference every week?”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi—“My candidacy for minority leader should be a good distraction.”

Senator Reid—“Absolutely!”

The President—snuffing cigarette out on Resolute Desk—“Those are both good distractions.” Personally, I’m going to India. That will be cool.”

Joe Biden– “In Delaware, the largest portion of the population is Indian-Americans. You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent…. I’m not joking.”

Senator Reid—“Absolutely!”

President Obama—“you’re always on the mark, Joe. Look, let’s wrap this up. And let’s remember, when all is said and done, we’ve got one fallback that works every time.”

Madam ex-speaker Nancy Pelosi—“I loved Boxer’s ‘don’t call me Ma’am, call me Senator.’ Is that the one you mean?”

Harry Reid—“Absolutely!”

The President—“No, no, no…not that one…guys, listen up…remember this…when all else fails, BLAME BUSH! It’s bulletproof! Thanks again for coming in.

Meeting adjourns

Opine Needles commentary-

The conversation above is fiction. However, the quotes in italics and attributed to Joe Biden are actually his words. Go figure.

  • david

    >loved it

  • Anonymous

    >Very funny….and yet very sad…

  • Anonymous

    >Thanks for sharing this.