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The Oval Office

July 2nd—The Oval Office

Rahm Emanuel enters from the President’s right, through his secretary’s door-

The President- “Rahmbo, my man…whaddup?”

Rahmbo-“’Sup, O-man?…today’s economic news is not so good.”

The President- “It takes visionaries to have vision, Rahmster.”

Rahmbo- “We have passed the largest Recovery Act in the history of the country. I’m just a little concerned about the Recovery part of it all.”

The President- “Not to worry, my perspicacious purveyor of chiefly staff duties; just think how bad it would be if Bush was still President! Hah, and he didn’t even play golf when things were in the tank. Silly man.”

Rahmbo—“Good point O. Say, I was wondering, do you ever wake up hating yourself as much as you do every day Americans?”

The President—“There you go again. You’re not letting your conscience get to you are you? Or have you been talkin’ to Michelle again?”

Rahmbo—“No conscience issues here, Mr. P, remember, I’ve never had one.”

The President—“Well anyway, no, I never hate myself as much as I hate most of the people in this country. Are you kidding? That’s why we’re sitting here, Rahm. You know that. The gun totin’, bible thumpers out there have had free reign for too long. We are here to change all that. And we are, aren’t we? And as long as we have Tony Hayward and Goldman Sachs to kick around, we’ll keep on takin’ ‘em to the cleaners. They don’t have a clue what we are actually doing to them. And this will be remembered, my Chief of all insulters, as the American Zeitgeist. We will be forever credited with dismantling all that were known as uniquely American values. No longer will our European peers mock us.”

Rahmbo—“True dat, O-man. I mean, how cool was it to see the Europeans lecturing us on fiscal austerity at the G-20! We showed them. We’re gonna stick to our guns-whoops, pardon the 2nd amendment slip there-no harm no foul, right? – and we’re gonna keep on spending money we don’t have!”

The President—“That’s why you are my loyal lobby leader for hope and change, Rahmbo. We cannot be kowtowed by Europe’s fiscal austerity plans. We need to keep spending! Look how well it’s working! In another couple years we’ll be able to get the “let them eat cake” chant going. We can do it from the Truman Balcony. Michelle would dig on that…but I digress. Where are you going to celebrate July 4th?”

Rahmbo—“You won’t believe this. My brother has a place up in
Rhode Island…right on the coast…it’s full of the people we hate. And they do this fireworks thing every year, and they all stand around celebrating who knows what. But they don’t even see that we are taking that all away from them, one step at a time. In fact, most of them actually like me! What a joke.”

The President—“Don’t be so hard on them. You’re talking about the people who are going to pay for all this. They are the bankers; they just don’t know it yet. And their kids better get on the ball, because mumsy and daddy won’t have anything left for them.”

Rahmbo—“I’m going to take 2 Suburbans and an army of secret service up there and rock their little seaside world. The speed limit is 25. We’ll see if two Suburbans doing 60 can create enough draft to launch a little 7 year old republican off his bike and into the ocean!”

The President—“Rahmbo, you’re not an elected official. Have you had any threats or something?”

Rahmbo—“No, but c’mon, blowing into their little country club with sirens blaring and lights flashing is as good as it gets. We’re killing their way of life, and they don’t even get it. Anyway, we’ve passed the stimulus and health care bills; do you really think anyone will blow the whistle on my taking a few secret service people with me everywhere I go? Bush’s office of Chiefs of Staff was full of bankers and preppies. I’m Rahmbo! I need protection!”

The President—“Heh, I hear ya. Well, have a good one. But don’t get too caught up in all that 4th of July crap. The declaration was wonderful for some, but not for all.
When we’re finished, however, the people will understand what you and I mean when we say ‘all men are created equal’.”

More to follow